Why do I run?

Honestly, I have no idea! I mean, I pee my pants every time I run.  It hurts my feet. My hands go numb, and I get cramps about 50% of my runs and  I'm really slow.  BUT, it has something I have found that I can do to stay in shape, I have found, it's something I can do that I can always see small progress that I get excited about.  My friends all run.  I have awesome support.  I love the way I feel after an awesome run.  I love getting out and being by myself.  I love the cool new shoes I get.  I like the water belts.  It's a new hobby I have found that I can't get any worse at.

The last little while I have asked myself, why am I such a slow runner.  My average pace in the past has been about a 12 to a 12:30 minute mile.   But now it all makes sense.  I was always trying to focus on my breathing so much that I didn't focus on speed, I would tense all my muscles trying not to pee, and I will tense all my muscles because I had anxiety about running.  But now, a year later after I started running. I have decided I just don't care any more.  I realized I can do it.  I am starting to somewhat enjoy it.  And you know what,  after I decided to let it go, I improved my times, my endurance and my attitude.  I went from doing a very regular 60 mile 5 mile run to running my first 5 miles in 55 minutes.  I just ran my fastest 5K in 29:13.  My goal was to do it in under 30, and I DID IT!  Plus I ran it without stopping which is something I don't do very often.  

This is something very hard for me to say, but I am VERY PROUD of myself.  I signed up for another Half Marathon on August 17  down Hobble Creek Canyon.  I am doing it with my friend Lisa and my Brother Brian.  I am super excited to do it with them.  My goal for this race is to try and do it in 2 hours and 30 minutes.  That would cut 17 minutes off my last time.  So I have a lot of work to do.